


The Diaries of Nations

by fullofcrazyness



Series: Hetalia: Reading the Diaries [1]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Complete, Eating Disorders, Feels, I'm Sorry, Self Harm, Trigger Warnings, not really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-07-16 16:56:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 19,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7276240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullofcrazyness/pseuds/fullofcrazyness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Ancients have noticed some of the countries suffering in silence, so they decide to do something about it. They get all diary and journal entries and put them into one big book. Some nations' secrets will be revealed, some nations will cry, some will make bonds stronger, and others will laugh. (There is CanAme brotherly love, FrUK and RoChu, GerIta. XD Japan's all alone here.)</p>
<p>I hope you enjoy this ^.^</p>
<p>I DO NOT OWN HETALIA, NOPE IT IS NOT MINE AND IT NEVER WILL BE!</p>
<p>SENSITIVE SUBJECTS WITHIN!!! Such as self-harm, suicide, and eating disorders. Please be cautious when reading these parts. If they may be triggering please don't read them. I really don't want anyone to relapse because of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning

All the nation personifications that were members of the G8 and China* were sitting in a meeting when there was a large flash of light. Screams and shouts were hear across the room.

"VE GERMANY SAVE ME!!!!!"

"Bloody hell!"

"Maple!"

"Mon Dieu!"

"Aiyaa!"

The flash died down and everyone moved to the table again, or climbed out from underneath it. They looked around trying to see if anything has changed. Surprisingly, it was Feliciano who noticed.

"Ve~ there's a note on the table."

Everyone looked to the table. Sure enough there was a note and a rather thick book. Arthur went up to the table and grabbed the note and read it aloud.

 

_'Dear nations of the G8 and others,_

 

_We have noticed some things wrong with our children and family. Nations suffering in silence, either to proud to ask for help or to scared of what others will think. So we have gathered Diary/Journal entries from everyone and put them in this book.'_ Some nations paled at that.  _'Some will be statements that we have noticed about you, but was never written down. Please read them all. Time will be suspended as you read so take all the time you need._

 

_The Ancients_

 

_PS: Feliciano, Lovino, I am very proud of you two. Keep up the work, don't hide. And Italy, I know your nervous but go for it! - Grandpa Rome._  Feliciano teared up at that, and made a mental note to show his brother this note later.

 

_PPS: Oh Matthew, Alfred. You don't know how proud I am of how you turned out. Rising up to the top, being successful. You boys are amazing. I love you! - Native America.'_ mentioned nations looked so happy, but Alfred was feeling guilty. How could his mom be proud when he killed her people all those years ago?

 

Everyone looked to the book with apprehension. Today they would learn things about each other. Today might be a day filled with happiness and reconciliation, or fighting and arguments.

"I'll read the first few then we can pass it around." Arthur said.

Everyone muttered in agreement and sat down, waiting to get started.

___________________________________________-

 

* China is not a member of the G8 only America, Canada, England, France, Russia, Japan, Germany and Italy are.

I DON'T OWN HETALIA!


	2. Reading 1

"Alright the first it Alfred." Arthur said.

Alfred paled. He had put some stuff in his journal that he didn't want anyone to know. Matthew looked at his brother in worry seeing his pale complexion.

" **Dear Diary, Japan made these little animatronics for England and me, they were pretty cute~! A little mini-me, or 'chibi' as he called them, is so cool! He said he modified them to be exactly like us in every way! Feels and all! So freaking cool~! But something weird happened, they both ran off and we couldn't find them! England and I were searching and we found them cuddling on a pillow..... Or at least I thought they were cuddling.... We walked closer and they were having a make out session! Dude I was freaking out! England was snapping at me to get mini-me off of mini-England. We tried separating them but they wouldn't let go of each other! I noticed England blushing as he watched them kiss though... Wonder why he was doing that when I'm the one crushing on him...? Maybe he does like me too?** " By the end everyone was laughing, and Kiku was having a nose bleed.

No one but Alfred, Arthur and Matthew paid attention to the last sentence. Matthew grinned, knowing that his brother liked Arthur. Matthew looked at Arthur to notice that he looked guilty. Alfred eyed Arthur nervously, hoping he would say something.

"Read the next one." Ivan said.

Arthur read it over and then paled. ' _this is going to break Alfred's heart_ ' he thought. "It's one of the statements,  **England and France truly love each other but decided long ago that no one must ever find out. They have both lost so much, they will not let anyone take away the one they love. So they throw insults at each other in front of others to protect each other. Only in the presence of select few that they are as close as family, do they show the ever present love for each other. Even though they do have wars against each other they always love each other.** "

"Honhonhonhon, well now that that's out." Francis walked up to Arthur and gave him a peck on the cheek. Arthur blushed but didn't stop him. Alfred watched with tears in his eyes. He really loved Arthur **(I feel so bad doing this to one of my OTP's but I'm evil XD).** Matthew watched his brother sadly. He stood up and walked over to him and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. Alfred just turned to him and cried silently. Matthew helped him stand up and walked him over to a secluded corner where they wouldn't be disturbed. Everyone was still shocked that Arthur and Francis were actually together so they had time.

"Wh-Why? Why does th-this always hap-happen?!" Alfred cries.

"I don't know Al. I don't know." Matthew said.

He though back a while when Alfred had that crush on Toris. Turned out he got together with Feliks a while later. Alfred has had a few crushes over the years and every time the person was with another person or didn't like him back in that way.

Matthew sighed and help his twin as he cried. None of the sad rejections had been like this. Arthur meant everything to Alfred. And finding out that he was dating Francis broke him inside.

"Congratulations you too, I always knew something was up."  Feliciano grinned.

"Alright let's read the next one." Francis said.

Alfred straitened up and watched everyone. Right now he preferred the corner with his brother. He just couldn't handle being near Arthur right now.

"Its Yao's" England announced, said country groaned, " **Dear Diary, for my birthday, America and Korea gave me Life Alert. Needless to say I was not amused.** "

"HAHAHAHA! Dude that was an awesome birthday present!" Alfred yelled.

Matthew was startled that his brother had jumped back so quickly. But then realized that is was fake and his brother had put up his mask. He sighed, Alfred was not taking this very well.

"No it wasn't aru!" Yao yelled back.

"Don't be mean to Yao, Da? I have my pipe." Ivan said sweetly.

This caused a three-way argument to occur. It went on for a few more minutes until some counties decided to pull them apart. Yao huffed and sat down by Kiku, Alfred by his brother, and Ivan by Yao.

"Alright this is the last one I'm going to read." Arthur said. "Its another one of Alfred." He paused reading over it, frowning. Alfred paled a bit. Matthew looked at his brother and put a hand on his shoulder. It didn't do much.

" **Dear Diary, sometimes I really envy Mattie. His ability to just disappear. Sure it must suck for him to not always be noticed, but he has the ability to be. Granted most of the time he's actually noticed it's during a hockey game but he can do it. Me? I can't ever get people to forget me, and I am blamed for everything, hated for the things I try to do right because of it. Sometimes I get tired, and sometimes? Sometimes I just don't want people to know I'm there.** "

Everyone looked to Alfred with wide eyes. Alfred sunk down in his seat uncomfortable with all the stares. Matthew looked at him sadly. He knew his brother didn't like all the attention he got, and he knew that his brother was blamed for a lot of things. But he never knew that he wanted to disappear. Matthew hugged his brother. Some nations looked guilty because they knew they were ones who blamed Alfred for things. Alfred just let his brother hug him. He never wanted anyone to know that sometimes he just wanted to be invisible, to disappear.

Arthur handed the book to Francis to continue. "Alright lets continue."

Everyone looked away from Alfred and towards Francis. "The next one is Matthew. It seems to fit right in with Alfred's.  **Do you know what it's like to be invisible? To be ignored? And when you are noticed they even mistake you for someone else. That is my life. I live in my brother's shadow. Everyone talks about how great his country is. How rich it is, how free it is, how it's so much better then that other country they can't even remember the name of. I sometimes wonder... if I died today... would anyone notice? Or would they go on with their lives completely oblivious? All i want is to know that I mean something. All I want is to be acknowledged that I'm here and someone cares. All I want, is to be noticed.** "

Alfred had tears in his eyes. He didn't mean to over shadow his brother, really he didn't. He pulled away from Matthew and made his was across the room and let his tears fall. He was a horrible brother to him. He forgot his own brothers name all the time. He didn't deserve a brother like Matthew.

Francis had tears in his eyes, to think that his former colony would think like that was heartbreaking. Francis stood up and walked over to Matthew and enveloped him in a hug. Matthew buried his face and Francis's shirt and hugged back. Arthur look on sadly with the other nations. Matthew looked up to see that his brother was not by him anymore.

"Al?" He whispered looking around.

He saw his brother sitting on a couch in the opposite corner. Matthew stood up and walked towards him. Sitting down by his brothers side he said, "Alfie, whats wrong?"

Alfred flinched away and whimpered.

"Al talk to me please." Matthew begged.

"I'm sorry." was his quiet reply. "I'm so sorry.

"For what?" Matthew asked.

"For being such a horrible brother. I always forget you. I shadow over you, I don't try to really I don't. I'm sorry." Alfred repeated sorry over and over.

Matthew pulled his brother into a hug and tried to calm him down. The other nations looked away to give the twins some privacy.

"Shhh, It's okay Alfie. I'm fine. It's okay." Matt soothes.

"But its not okay! I don't deserve a brother like you. Always so nice and caring. How do you not hate me! You should. I'm a horrible brother. Why do you even put up with me?" Alfred asks quietly.

"I don't hate you and I never will. Don't talk like that Al. And I put up with you because your my twin. And I will always be you twin." Matt says.

Alfred cries and hugs his brother. Matt hugs back trying to comfort him. Matt looks at Francis and motions for him to keep reading. Francis nodded.

"This one is another statement, I believe it's Matthew again  **Sometimes when other nations least expect it 'Canadian Please' becomes their ringtone.** " Francis reads.

And just to prove a point someone's phone rang and 'Canadian Please' played. Matthew was smirking devilishly. It was Ludwig who pulled out the ringing phone. He stood up and walked out of the room, only to find out it was Matthew calling him.

Alfred giggled, wiping his face. His brother smiled, seeing his brother laughing. He had set Ludwig's phone earlier, now he called him hoping to cheer up his brother a bit.

Ludwig came back in and shot Matthew a look. Matthew just looked on innocently.

Francis looked at the next one and burst out laughing. He barely calmed down enough to hand the book to Matthew before he broke down again. Matthew read it and showed it to Alfred, who also burst out laughing.

"Whats so funny?" asked Yao.

"This one is Kiku's  **Dear Diary, I'm not kawaii, I'm manly as f*ck.** "

Yao choked on air while the rest of the room started laughing,even Ivan. Kiku blushed at the diary entry. He didn't think that others would be reading it so he was blunt.

"That was different Kiku. How come your not like that on the outside?" Yao asked.

"Da, why are you so quiet?" Ivan asked.

Kiku stuttered and blushed some more.

"Okay lets move on, I'll continue reading." Matthew said. "It's Arthur's  **Dear Diary, today I heard it again. The beautiful sound of the TARDIS, but as soon as I ran out to see it, it was gone in a flash. But I won't give up hope. One day I'll meet the Doctor for sure** "

"I will succeed one day!" Arthur cried.

"Dude, You know the Doctor isn't real, right." Alfred said.

"Yes he his!" Arthur hissed.

"Let's continue non?" Francis interrupted.

"This is the last one before a break." Ludwig said.

"Its Ivan's and it's another statement  **Ivan would never think of hurting a child he loves them too much to even do so. If he feels as if he may pose a danger to a child he stays away.** "

"Da, I love children, they are fun to play with." Ivan smiles.

"Well it's time for a break. Meet back here in 15 minutes." Ludwig announced.

The nations walked out of the room (the whole building was stopped in time) to go do whatever they needed to do.


	3. Reading 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's my birthday and I'm giving all of you who read this a present ^-^

15 minutes later all the Nations were back in the meeting room, waiting to get started.

"Alright who's reading next?" asked Matthew.

"I will." Ivan said.

Matthew handed over the book to Ivan.

"It's Alfred again."Ivan says, " **He loves Electro Swing. (It really is amazing music XD)** "

Alfred blushed and nodded. It was really good, and fun to dance to. Matt laughed. He had caught his brother dancing to electro swing many times.

"Alright next one, its Ludwigs's. **Dear Diary, today Gilbert told me he thinks he loves Feli. I've never been so hurt in my life. What he doesn't know is that I love Feli too. And he's going to choose Gilbert over me, I know it. Everybody does.** "

Feliciano looked at Ludwig. "I would never for all the pasta in the world pick Gilbert over you Luddy. I-I love you too."

Ludwig looked up surprised, and smiled. He went over to Feliciano and pulled him into a hug. The say there for a minute before clapping broke out. People were congratulating them, because the both technically just confessed to each other. Feliciano smiled and kissed Ludwing. Ludwig blushed but kissed back. There were wolf whistles and calls. They pulled apart and Ludwig pulled Feli into his lap.

"Continue." is all he said.

"Da, this one is Feliciano's. **Dear Diary, A long time ago, after I found out that my first love had died, I mad a promise to myself - to not fall in love. Lately, I've been finding that promise even more difficult to keep. My heart races whenever I'm around Germany, even though I've never felt this way about anyone else before.** " Ivan reads.

"Well, that was cleared up in the last entry." Feliciano smiles.

"Ja, it was." Ludwig said.

"Next one~ It is Yao," Ivan grins, " **Dear Diary, I hope Korea Gangnam Styles off a cliff.** "

Everyone burst out laughing.

"Didn't we all at one point." Arthur giggles. Yes, giggles, like a man.

"Hey but you have to admit that that one time where he did a flash mob during the meeting wasn't fun." Alfred said. "I for one, enjoyed it very much."

"Of course you did you git. You got on the table and danced with him." Arthur said.

Ludwig groaned at the memory, it was the most hectic meeting of all.

"Oh I remember that, I danced with Alfred and Im Yong Soo too~" Feliciano announced.

The countries laughed at the memories of fun times.

"Ya know, I kind of wish that he would do that again. I think we need something like that at the meetings. They're just stressful now." Matthew said.

Alfred nodded his head in agreement.

"Alright this one is England, **Dear Diary, I had another dream about that day again, the day I burned Jeanne to the ground. Back then I was a terrible country blinded by hate and victory. I regret it so much. I really do. It's all my fault Francis lost the love of his life, it's my fault a young girl died that day. I wish I could turn back time and stop myself. I wish I could tell Jeanne how sorry I was for doing such a terrible thing, but that's impossible. The heavy burden I carry still remains with me until this day, and it always will.** " Ivan finished sadly.

Arthur and Francis both had tears in their eyes. Arthur because of guilt and Francis just because he missed her.

"Oh my gosh I'm so sorry Francis, I meant every word I wrote. I regret that day so much and I do wish that I could change it. I would change it for anything." Arthur cried into Francis's shirt.

"It's okay mon lapin. She was a human and she would have died anyway. All I've ever wanted was to hear you apologize. And you just did, and with the most sincerity you could give and I accept it." Francis kissed him.

Arthur kissed back just glad he was forgiven. On the other side of the room Alfred looked away, not able to look at the sight of his love kissing another man. But if Arthur was happy, he wasn't going to do anything about it. Matthew just hugged him giving him silent comfort.

"I'll read this next one and then it's someone else's turn, Da?" Ivan smiles.

"I'll read next." Ludwig offers.

Ivan nods and looks at the next entry. "This one is ... oh it's one of mine. **Dear diary, I do love my little sister dearly, but not in the way she wants me to. She wants me to marry her because she believes it will bring us closer together. I do not understand that. Does she not realize that as brother and sister, we are already bonded closely, so much more than we ever could be as husband and wife? I do not want to waste her life away running after me, when another man could make her far happier than I every could.** "

When he finished he just handed the book to Ludwig and sat back down. Everyone got the hint and didn't say anything, well except Ludwig who needed to read.

"Alright then. It's one of the statements, actually it looks like the next few are. Anyway this one is about Francis and Yao. **France was the first nation to style China's hair; before China had always worn his hair down. He had decided on a simple ponytail, brushed over the nation's shoulder. China has kept the same hairstyle ever since.** " Ludwig reads.

"Aww, That's so sweet~" Feliciano gushes.

"I liked it aru." Yao defends.

"Well I'm glad you liked it." Francis said.

"Well, the next one is Alfred. **America can cook. Really well, actually. But since his food is more traditional "homestyle" American cooking, he doesn't get the same respect as European countries (like France and Italy) that are famous for their cuisine. He can make an amazing pot roast and a burger (from scratch) that would knock any fast food chain out of business, and he does all his Thanksgiving cooking himself.** "

"It's true, his food is really good. I love thanksgiving at his house." Matthew says.

"Thanks Mattie." says Alfred.

"Well maybe we need to try some of this food of yours Alfred, if Matthew likes it so much." Francis says, most of the others nodding in agreement.

"Alright then, I'll make dinner then." Alfred volunteers.

"Then it's settled." Francis said.

"Okay this is Matthew **Dear Diary, Of course I remember Kumajiro's name. I only call him by the wrong name because he always forgets mine (though I think it's the same way for him as well)** " Ludwig reads.

"You know, Kuma does know your name, and your hunch at the end is correct." Alfred told him.

"And how would you know?" Matthew asked, curious.

"Well, we have lengthy conversations when I come over and your doing something or another. He told me." Alfred admitted.

Francis laughed lightly as did Arthur.

"You have a bear aru!? Is it cute!?" Yao yelled.

"He is very adorable and cuddly." Matthew said.

Yao squealed like a little girl getting Hello Kitty. "I need to meet him!"

"Sorry, I didn't bring him this time." Matt said.

"Next time." Yao said.

"Definitely." Matthew nodded.

"Okay last one and then Alfred can start on dinner." Ludwig said. "This is Kiku's.... This makes no sense **Japan owns a stag beetle who he enters in stag beetle wrestling matches. It always wins.** "

"Dude, I didn't know that beetles wrestled." Alfred said.

"Hai, they do. It is fun to watch." Kiku said.

"Well I better start on dinner." Alfred said standing up.

"Can I come with you?" Matt asked.

Alfred nodded and the two headed out of the room to the kitchen. The others just sat in the room, talking with each other because there was nothing else to do.

 

 

 


	4. Dinner

Alfred was dancing around the kitchen, getting ingredients and supplies he needs to make his Chicken'n'Dumpling's. Matthew just watched him amused. He loved watching his brother cook. It was actually quite entertaining. He always played Electro Swing when he did.

Alfred felt good right now, dancing and cooking. He felt at home, where he didn't have to worry about anything. And he needed to get his mind of Arthur and Francis. He hoped the other nations liked his cooking, he had never cooked for anyone other than Matthew before. He wanted to impress Arthur, then maybe- he shook his head. 'No don't think about him, he doesn't love you and he never will.' He concentrated on the music as he made the food.

20 minutes later dinner was done.

"Dude, mind helping me get the food to the meeting room?" Alfred asked.

"Sure." Matthew says, going off to find a cart or two. He came back with a large cart to carry the food to the meeting room.

"Thanks bro." Alfred says.

They get to work on moving the large pot of food onto the cart. The oven beeped and Alfred went over and pulled out the cornbread and biscuits. He set them on the bottom of the cart with the plates and silverware.

"Alright, lets go." Al said pushing the cart towards the door.

Matthew pushed open the door so his brother could get through. Together they made it to the meeting room. Matthew got the door again and Alfred pushed it in. Instantly the nations' heads jerked up from the smell of the food.

"Smells good Al." Francis said.

"It does aru." Yao agrees.

Alfred smiled and told them to line up. Matt handed them each a plate and fork and Alfred dished out the food. The nations picked weather they wanted a biscuit or cornbread. After everyone had their food Al and Matt got theirs and sat down. Al looked around waiting for someone to say something. Everyone tried it. After a second everyone's face lit up.

"This is really good Alfred~" Feli praised, Kiku nodded from beside his friend.

"Da, it is." Ivan said.

"Wow, would never have expected it from a nation that loves fast food so much." Arthur said.

Alfred tried not to let his wince show, but Matt must had noticed because he frowned and turned to him. "Thanks Artie."

Really he didn't like fast food at all. The other nations gave their praise and they continued eating. Alfred was worried that his secret was gonna come out soon. And as much as he didn't want that to happen he knew it would.

After the meal was done, Alfred gathered all the plates and took everything back to the kitchen. Matthew watched on with worry. He had seen that wince before. A few minutes later Alfred came back. Matt looked at him and noticed that he looked a little pale and shaky.

Alfred sat down and said "Alright who's reading next?"


	5. Reading 3

WARNING THERE IS A SENSITIVE SUBJECT AHEAD!  It talks of eating disorders and the like. Please don't read the part of the chapter where it is if you think it might be triggering. 

 I don't know if it might actually be that bad, I just don't want to be responsible for a relapse of someone. I really do like and care about you all, I really do. :)

_______________________________________________________

 

"I'll read." offered Francis.

Ludwig nods and hands him the book. As soon as Francis had a hand on the book there was another flash of light. A note floated down and landed in Alfred's lap. He picked it up, read it, and paled.

Alfred looked at the note.

 

_Dear Alfr_ _ed,_

_We are sorry about what is going to happen, but it needs to be done. Please forgive us. We believe that the other nations need to know about your 'little' secret now._

_The Ancients._

 

He felt the blood drain out of his face. 'No they can't find out. They can't.' He crumpled the note in his hand, he felt himself shaking.

Matthew watched his brother. As soon as he started shaking he stood up and went over to him.

"Alfie, what is it? What did the note say?" He asked hugging him.

Alfred just flinched away, a whine coming escaping him. Matthew frowned and tried to hug him again. And again Alfred flinched away.

"Please Alfred, tell me what's wrong." Matt begged.

"You'll see any minute now anyway." Al whispered.

Matthew frowned, confused.

Francis looked at the next entry to see if it had to deal with that. His eyes widened and tears filled them.

"Matthew, I know what he means just sit down a moment." Francis says quietly.

Matt obeys and sits down, still confused.

"Alright, this is Alfred." Francis said, he opened his mouth but no words came out. He closed his mouth and shook his head. He couldn't do it. Alfred was like a son to him. He handed the book to Arthur. Arthur looked it over and saw what was wrong.

"Just read it already." Yao huffed.

"Fine. **America, along with the highest rate of obesity, has the highest rate of eating disorders. Nobody knows that after Alfred eats all those cheeseburgers, he forces himself to vomit them up.** " Arthur finishes, then drops the book, tears running down his face.

Matthew just sat there in shock. How had he not known his brother was suffering like that. Ivan just looked at Alfred. His rival was suffering, only he was aloud to make him suffer. Kiku looked at his friend very worried, he had noticed something was off about Alfred for a while now. Ludwig, Feliciano and Yao didn't know what to do. Yes they were worried, but they weren't particularly close to Alfred. Feliciano looked at Alfred with a concerned glance but decided to give him privacy. This was mainly family right now.

Matthew was the first to react. He jumped up and grabbed Alfred and dragged him out of the room. Francis stood up and followed, so did Arthur.

Out in the hall Alfred was just letting himself be dragged around by his brother. He was pulled into a room and sat on a couch. Francis and Arthur walked in behind them.

"How long?" Matthew demanded.

Alfred just looked down.

"HOW LONG!?"

He flinched and muttered his answer.

"Alfred you need to speak up honey, we can't hear you." Francis said softly, sitting by his side.

"A year or so, maybe longer. I don't know." Alfred whispered.

Matt choked back a sob and pulled Al into a hug. It was now that he noticed that Alfred was small, very small. Arthur looked on, not knowing what to say. He went up to them and pulled them all into a hug. After a minute Matt pulled back.

"Al take off your jacket." he said.

Al looked up and panicked. No, he couldn't take it off. He couldn't.

"Alfred, take off the jacket." Arthur said.

Al looked around and saw that all of them wanted him to take it off. Slowly he shrugged it off, leaving him in his dress shirt. He looked so much smaller without his jacket on. It really did cover up how much weight he lost and how small and frail he looked. Francis slowly reached forward and pulled the hem of his shirt up. You could see practically every rib, his collar bone stuck out and his hips jutted out sharply. Matthew turned away, tears running down his face. Arthur cried and threw his arms around Alfred. Francis just sat there, staring at the boy he thought of as his son. Alfred just looked down ashamed, tears leaking out of his eyes.

"W-why Alfred? Why wou-would you do this?" Arthur asked.

Alfred's eyes smothered. Anger seeping through a bit. "You really want to know?"

All three nodded.

"I was sick and tired of everyone calling me fat, pig, sloppy. I wanted them to stop. But no matter what I did it just continued. Always poking fun when I would eat those burgers." He spat the word like it was poison. "Eventually, I just brought them for show. So no one would notice. It worked well. But they still called me names anyway, so I didn't stop. Almost every meal never stayed down. Only enough to not pass out in the streets." He ranted.

The others were crying by that point, all hugging him.

"So does that mean.... when you came in all shaky after taking the stuff to the kitchen, you..." Francis questioned.

Alfred hesitated and nodded.

"Oh Alfred..." Matthew started but was cut off by a sob.

"We lo-love you so m-much. You kn-know that right?" Arthur asked tearfully.

Alfred didn't answer. Arthur just hugged him tighter.

"Were going to help you Alfred, even if it takes forever, were going to help you." Francis said.

Matthew nodded. "We love you so much, we don't want you to hurt yourself like this anymore. Please let us try and help."

Alfred nodded, leaning into all the hugs, finally letting his own tears fall.

A few minutes later they pulled themselves together and went back to the meeting room. The other nations looked up when they walked in. Seeing the 4 tear-stained faces they looked away, so not to stare. Alfred sat down between Francis and Matthew, cuddled up.

"Alright, if we could continue?" Arthur asked.

Ludwig nodded and handed Francis the book back.

"Alright then, hopefully none of these are to sad. This is Ludwig's **Dear diary, While I seem angry when the other nations make jokes about me, whether is be my own personality or my history, I don't actually want them to stop. I just wish I could laugh along with them and not have to seem like I take it so personally. But I am stuck in my ways, I suppose. I am just glad they still think of me to be honest.** " Francis reads.

"Well it's hard to forget the man who keeps the meetings sane most of the time." Yao says.

"Hai, you are my friend Ludwig." Kiku said.

Ludwig just smiles.

"Alright this is Matthew's **Dear diary, Arthur told papa that he could either have me or the Caribbean Islands. I thought he'd choose me, but he chose them instead. He told Arthur I was "worthless". I am not, and I will prove that to him. I will be strong and kind. I will never forget his words. I thought he loved me. I was apparently wrong.** " Francis looked up at Matthew.

Matthew just sat there with his brother, being hugged. Alfred was whispering to him. Francis stood up and walked over to the two.

"Matthew?"

Matt looked up and saw Francis. "What?"

"Can I speak with you?" Francis asked.

Alfred hugged Matthew, not sure if he should let him go. Matthew nodded and asked Al to let him go. Alfred let him go slowly and watched as Francis took Matt to a secluded corner and had a father/son talk. After a minute Matt hugged him. Francis smiled and walked them back. Matthew sat down with Francis and Arthur. Alfred felt abandoned. He just sighed and curled up in his chair. At least Matt made up with his papa.

"Alright lets read the next one. Oh! It's mine. ... Heh I remember this **Dear Diary, I did not invent french fries. If America asks again, I WILL stab him.** "

Alfred giggled, remembering that day where he wouldn't leave Francis alone about it. Matthew giggled, and just to spite his papa, asked. "Are you sure you didn't?"

"Nooooooooo!!!! Not you too." Francis said dramatically.

"Can I read now Francis?" Feliciano asked.

"Sure Feli." Francis smiled handing the book over.

"Ve~ This is Arthur. **Dear Diary, Everyone's always going on about how powerful Rome was, they all forget that my empire was actually bigger than Rome's. I wish people would see me as the powerful nations I was, not as the stuck up twat who can't cook.** "

"Oh Arthur, I don't see you as stuck up, but you really can't cook. And I know that you are powerful." Francis says, smirking while wiggling his eyebrows. "How can I forget?"

Arthur blushed and buried his face in Francis' shirt.

"Ya, how can I forget the awesome powerful nation that raised me." Alfred said.

Arthur just smiled at him.

"Hey this is mine. **Dear diary, Ve.... I hate storms so much... but I'm starting to like them. When it's stormy out, Germany lets me sleep with him and he hugs me tight and says that he's never going to leave me.** "

There was an interesting noise coming from the corner. Everyone looked over and saw Kiku trying to cover a nose bleed between his fangirling attack. Yao just sighed and mutters something that sounded like 'not again'.

"I think it would be best if you continued Feli." Ludwig said.

"Okay~ this is Yao's. **Dear diary, Sometimes I wonder if I should have shared my invention of gunpowder with the world. I wonder how many people I am responsible for ending the lives of.** "

Surprisingly it was Alfred who spoke up. Everyone jumped when he spoke, forgetting he was sitting there. **[hehe the tables have turned XD]**

"Did you pull the trigger Yao?" He asked.

"...No."

"Then you are not responsible for the deaths of those people." Alfred said.

Yao thought for a second before smiling. "Thank you Alfred."

Alfred smiled and nodded. Ludwig looked around and saw most of the nations yawning.

"Why don't we stop for the night and get some sleep." He offered.

The nations muttered in agreement and everyone got up and made there way to the spare rooms. Why there were rooms in the meeting building, These meetings tended to go on late into the night and none wanted to walk out at 3 in the morning to their hotel. Alfred hung back and sat at the table. He thought back to Yao's last entry. It was true, Yao didn't pull the trigger to kill all those people, and gunpowder would have been discovered anyway. His thought wandered to WW2. Unlike Yao, he was responsible for all the death in Japan when the atomic bombs dropped. He had flown out and helped drop them. He didn't want to hurt his friend, but the war needed to end.

He sat their at the table for a while, tears in his eyes, remembering that day. He gripped his head as the memories played through his head. He didn't hear the door open.

"Al?" A soft voice said.

He didn't acknowledge it, to engrossed in his thoughts and memories.

Matthew looked at his brother worried. He watched as his brother curled up in his chair, pulling his hair. He walked up to him and pulled him into a hug. Alfred just curled up into him. Matthew picked him up and carried him to their room. Setting Al on the bed he tried to get his attention again.

"Al?"

Alfred looked up, tears in his eyes. Matthew gasped and pulled him into a hug. Alfred was muttering 'I'm sorry' over again.

"Alfred there's nothing to be sorry for." Matt said confused.

Alfred just curled up. Matt sighed, wishing that he didn't have to do this. He put his forehead against his brothers and entered his thoughts.

He saw the planes and the dropping bombs. He was in a plane, Alfred piloting. Matthew recognized this. He pulled from is brother's mind and held him. Eventually Al pulled out of it.

"What happened?" Matt asked.

"I-I was thinking about what Yao's entry said. He wasn't responsible, but then I thought about WW2, and how I was responsible for that. I killed so many people that day." Al said.

"You did what you had to do Alfred, and you apologized afterward and helped Kiku after. You were forgiven a long time ago." Matt said.

Alfred nodded and curled up with his brother, together they fell asleep.

 

______________________________________________

 

 

Sooooooooooo anyone die of feels yet? XD  This one was just a feels roller coaster wan't it?


	6. Reading 4

In the morning everyone got up to the scent of food. They followed their noses to the kitchen. Peaking in, they saw Alfred and Matthew dancing around making pancakes. Music was playing, and it was catchy. Only Francis, Arthur and Matthew could tell that Alfred was a little reluctant to be making food.

Matthew took some flour and threw it at his brother. Alfred laughed and retaliated. The nations outside the door laughed. Some carried on their way to the meeting room and some watched, but only two entered the kitchen. Francis finished the pancakes before they were ruined and Arthur joined in the flour fight. When Francis was done he threw some flour at Arthur.  Everyone stopped what they were doing, holding their breath.

"Oh no you don't frog!" Arthur said throwing some back.

They sighed and laughed, glad he wasn't upset.

"Bring it Black Sheep." Francis taunted.

Matthew and Alfred giggled as the two 'fought' with flour. They sat on the ground watching in amusement. They missed these days where they all got along like this. After a while the two stopped and looked at their mess. Together all 4 of them cleaned up the kitchen and themselves. Matthew put the food on the cart and Alfred grabbed the maple syrup.

They walked into the room and all the nations ran up and grabbed food. Francis walked over to a smaller table with Arthur. Matthew got his plate and his brothers and went to another table. Alfred eyed the pancakes warily. He only had two on his plate.

"Come on Al, it's only a little bit." Matt said softly.

And compared to what Al usually had, this was really small.

Al sighed and picked up his fork, leaving the syrup alone. Matt watched sadly, his brother used to love his pancakes, he didn't doubt that he still did, but now he barely touched them. And now that they were aware of the problem it made it that much harder. Al managed to finish both of them, but then he got really fidgety.

"Calm down Al. It's okay." Matthew said, comforting him, having finished before his brother.

Al just hugged himself, trying to keep his food down. He didn't realize that it was so hard before. A few tears leaked out of his eyes. 

_'Your gonna get fat again.'_

He shook his head. He didn't like that little voice in his head.

_'Come on, make an excuse, get rid of it.'_

He started shaking. Matt rubbed his back, trying to comfort him. Slowly Al stopped shaking and sat up. He nodded.

"I'm okay now. Sorry." He said quietly.

"It's okay Al, this has got to be tough." Matt said.

Matt stood up and gathered all the stuff and took it back to the kitchen. When he returned everyone gathered at the large table in the center.

"Alright who's reading next?" Asked Feliciano.

"I will." Kiku said.

Feli handed the book over to his friend.

"Okay the first one is a statement, and it's about me. **Japan can see everyone's red thread of fate, and he likes to give people a helping push towards finding their soulmates.** "

"That would explain why you and Elizabeta always try and get people together." Yao concluded.

Kiku blushed but nodded. He quiet enjoyed getting people together, but some were harder than others. Like Alfred for instance, he was always connected so someone, but that someone was connected to someone else. But he knew who was connected to Alfred. And he was trying his hardest to get him there. He always thought that Gilbert and Alfred would make a cute couple.

"Okay the next one is Ivan-san. **Ivan wouldn't hurt a fly, if he could help it. He's actually a bit of a prankster. When he goes "kolkolkol" out of nowhere, it's not that he's threatening the others- he just loves giving others a good scare every once in a while.** "

"Dude, we need to get together and prank someone." Alfred said.

"Da, we do." Russia says, a mischievous glint in his eye.

The nations groaned. Great they didn't need another one. Alfred, Matthias (Denmark), and Gilbert were enough to deal with. **(I love the awesome trio, they're well AWESOME!)**

"Kiku, read." Ludwig said quickly.

Kiku nodded. "This is about Ludwig and Feliciano. **Italy hides in random places around the house and stays there, waiting for Germany to come along. One time, an** **unsuspecting Ludwig opened the washing machine to be tackled by Italy. He screamed louder than he can remember having ever screamed before. Italy thinks it's hilarious.** "

Apparently so did everyone else in the room did too. Suddenly there was a screen at the front of the room. A video started playing.

Ludwig walked into a room, whistling his national anthem. He got all the clothes from the hamper and opened the washing machine. Suddenly, a Feliciano popped out and jumped on him. A loud, high, girly scream echoed throughout the room. It took a moment to realize that it was Ludwig. Feliciano was laughing in the video and outside.

Alfred was rolling on the floor with Matthew. Francis was leaning on Arthur who was doing the same. Kiku was having trouble keeping a strait face. Ludwig blushed and tried to hide.

"Dude! That was AWESOME!!!" Alfred yelled.

It took all of 15 minutes to calm down again, Ludwig bright red.

"Continue Kiku." He said, wanting to move on quickly.

Kiku nodded smiling. "This is Arthur and Francis. **Arthur made Francis read and watch Harry Potter. He regrets this now, because now Francis calls him the Billy to his Fleur.** "

Arthur blushed and Francis smirked. Alfred and Matthew watched happily, albeit Alfred was a little upset. Kiku once again had a nosebleed.

Yao sighed "I'll take over from here." He grabbed the book.

"This is Alfred and Matthew. **America and Canada always take vacations together, as it is tradition for them. Every summer, they travel across both of their countries in a big road trip. They always celebrate their birthdays in their respective nation's country.** " Yao reads.

"That reminds me, we need to plan this years trip." Al said turning to Matt.

"Ya, we do." Matt agreed.

"Okay next one is mine..... REALLY ARU!! IS THIS NECESSARY!" Yao yelled.

"Just read it." Ludwig grumbled.

Yao sighed. " **China smells like cinnamon and chai-tea.** "

"Da, he does." Ivan confirmed.

Yao blushed. "Really Ivan."

Ivan smiled and pulled Yao into his lap. Kiku smiled at that.

"Okay this is about Alfred. **Dear Diary, Today I was badly wounded in battle. My boss told me to pull out of the fight, but I couldn't do that. I got in this to protect what I love, and I won't give up now. Even if I die, I will keep pushing forward, because I'm the hero! There's no other way. I have to do it. If I don't, how could I rest knowing that there might not be anyone else who will.** "Yao reads.

Everyone look at Alfred. They knew he was determined and stubborn but not to that extent.

"Al, you know that any of us would help you if you asked." Arthur said.

Alfred nodded unsure. No one really liked him much, so he thought he was lying.

"How bad were you hurt?" Matt asked.

Alfred shrunk down in his seat rubbing his neck awkwardly. "Umm.... Sprained wrist, fractured shin, cuts here and there, bruises everywhere, stitches over my eye. Did have a dislocated shoulder, but they fixed that. So ... um. ya." 

Matthew punched him in the shoulder. "You idiot! You should have listened to you boss! What would have happened if you had gotten hurt even more! I- I don't know wh-what I would do without you."

Alfred hugged him. "Shhh, I'm here and I'm fine. Don't worry." 

Matt nodded and pulled away but still cuddled with his brother.

Yao had the sense to move on "Okay this is Matthew **Canada knows his family loves him, so he stays around to help them. But when they don't remember the many times he has, it makes him feel kind of like a Secret Superhero.** "

"Dude, you are a superhero. You're called Maple Man." Al says teasing.

Matt slaps him lightly. "Hush."

"Okay next one." Alfred says.

".... This is everyone. **Every nation has tried to kill themselves at least once. Some nations, more often than others. Even if they know it won't work.** "

Everyone was silent, knowing it was true. And the ones that applied to the last bit tried not to look guilty.

"Alright lets take a break." Ludwig says.

All the nations get up and practically run out of the room.


	7. Discussions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talk about suicide coming up, read with caution! Or just skip entirely. Some may be descriptive, so ya warning there to.

What they didn't notice was that Matthew had stayed behind in the room. And it was a good thing he did too, a note appeared on the table.

_Dear any nation who finds this,_

_We know you just read the one that applies to all of you. These are the people who the second part apply too. (And how many times they've tried)_

_Alfred 14_   
_Ivan 13_   
_Feliciano 8_   
_Matthew 6_

_There are other but they are not apart of the G8. These four have been through a lot, more than you know. Help them._

_-The Ancients._

Matthew gasped. He knew his brother had attempted at least 2-3 times, he had found the aftermath of it. But that number was too high to ignore. Matthew was pretty sure that Yao was taking care of Ivan, and Ludwig had Feliciano, but to be safe he took a picture of the note and sent it to Yao and Ludwig. Matthew understood why his name was on there, but he had gotten help years ago. He assumed the Ancients were just worried.

Then he remembered his brother. He needed to find him. Matt ran out of the room, trying to locate his brother. He opened a door and found Francis and Arthur talking.

"Have any if you seen Alfred?!" He asks.

"No.... What's the rush?" Francis asks.

"... It's not my place to tell you." Matt says.

"I think I saw him go upstairs." Arthur said.

Matt's blood froze, hoping is brother wasn't doing anything stupid. He ran out with a rushed 'thank you'. He ran for the stairs and went to the third floor (the meeting room was on the second.)

"ALFRED!!" He called out as he ran through the halls.

He got no response, so he went further into the floor.

"ALFRED!! WHERE ARE YOU?!"

This time he heard something. It was quiet, but it was silent up here.

He paused, waiting a second.

There it was! It sounded like a whimper.

"Alfred?"

The whimpering stopped for a second, before starting again. He followed the noise to a room down the hall. He ended up in front of a room, slowly he cracked open the door. 

Inside Alfred was sitting on a couch, knees curled up to his chest, crying. Matthew gasped quietly and went to his brother. He sat down next to him and pulled him into a hug. Alfred folded in and cried into Matt's chest. He didn't even know why he was crying in the first place. Matt whispered reassurances in his ear, hoping to calm him down. After a few minutes Al had calmed down.

"Better now?" Matt asked.

Alfred nodded and wiped his face.

"Good, now, can you tell me why you tried to kill yourself so many times?" Matt said.

Alfred flinched. He knew this was going to happen when that was read.

"I-I .... Don't know how to answer." He admitted.

"Okay then, I've known of 3. The one where you hung yourself, one where you stabbed yourself through the heart, and when you slit your throat. Were there any before those?" Matt asked, looking at the faint scar on his brothers neck.

"1813." Al muttered. "I was so guilty, I really hurt you. I thought you would hate me. I didn't want that to happen, I tried to stop them from burning it I really did but the soldiers wouldn't listen."

Matt winced, that had been painful, but he had gotten revenge for burning Washington D.C. a year later.

"And in July of 1863, After Gettysburg. So many people died, all the bloodshed. I couldn't handle it." Al whimpered.

Matt hugged him.

"In World War 2, I got thrown in a camp and-" he started crying, "and, I wanted out so bad, it was horrible Mattie, and during the Great Depression. I couldn't do anything for my people. I hated it so much. I didn't know what to do." Al's voice broke at the end and he just started crying again.

Matthew hugged him. He knew his brother had problems and he was going to help him damn it. He was sure Francis and Arthur would too. He never knew his brother was so down and depressed.

"I can't say anymore, please don't make me." Al practically begged.

"Shhh, I won't, thank you for telling me what you did though." Matt hugged.

They just sat there hugging it out when they heard the door open again. Al buried his face into Matt's chest. Matt looked up to see Arthur and Francis standing there.

"Were going to pick up again in about 15 minutes. Ludwig told us to tell you." Arthur said.

"Thank you." Matt said.

Al nodded and the two exited the room leaving the brothers.

"Promise me Al, whenever your felling upset or depressed or even remotely sad, that you will come to me. Promise me that." Matt asked.

Al nodded and Matt gave a relived sigh. A few minutes later they made there way down to the meeting room where they would continue.

When they walked in Ludwig was sitting next to Feliciano, they were cuddling and talking. It looked like they both had tears in there eyes and tracks on their faces. Ivan and Yao were sitting with each other. Yao was hugging Ivan.

Matt sat down on a couch and pulled Al next to him. They sat there waiting for the others. Within 5 minutes the other 3 were back and sat down. Kiku next to Ludwig and Feliciano, and Arthur and Francis by the twins.

"Lets get started. Who will read?" Ludwig declared.

 

________________________________________________________

**So........ any dead feels yet?**


	8. Reading 5

"I'll read." Alfred said raising his hand.

Ludwig nodded and tossed the book over to him. Alfred opened it up to the next set of entries.

"The first one is Ludwig's," he reads it over and starts giggling. " **He's afraid of live chickens. Not baby chicks.. just chickens. So he's constantly replacing Gilbert's pet before it grows up.** "

Ludwig blushes and Alfred starts laughing again.

"Wish Gilbert was here." Al says.

"Me to, he's certain that Gilbird is magical and will never grow up. I want to see his face when he realizes that he hasn't had the same bird from when he found it." Francis laughs.

"Aww, Luddy is afraid of chickens?" Feliciano asks teasingly.

Ludwig blushes and nods saying "Continue on with the next one please."  
  
"Alright, alright. This is.. HEY IT'S ME!!!!" Alfred shouts.

"Just read it git." Arthur says.

Alfred makes a pout-y face, "Fine. **America knows how to break dance.** "

The other nations look at him weirdly, well except Matthew and Arthur. They had been at his house plenty of times to catch him doing the weirdest things.

"What is 'break dance'?" Kiku asks.

Alfred looks at him like he was insane. Yao looked like he agreed with Kiku.

"How do you not know?" Alfred asks.

"Well, can you show us?" Yao asks.

"Da, comrade, show us this dance." Ivan says.

"Ya'll might want to move." Matt says.

Everyone moved out of the way and left a circle in the middle of the room for Alfred to dance. Alfred stood up, pulled of his bomber jacket, and went into the center of the circle and grinned. Matt pulled out his phone and started playing a beat. 

And then Al started to dance.

The other nations looked  on with wide eyes. This dance looked like it hurt, but Al was smiling the whole time. When he was done he stood up like nothing happened.

"And that my friends, is break dancing." 

Matthew and Arthur laughed at the other nations expressions and went to sit down too. Still the nations stared. That was not a dance they had seen before.

"Come sit down guys, it wasn't that amazing, was it?" Al asked.

They all looked around and then sat down.

"Good, now this one is a diary entry from Francis. **Dear diary, They say that for a nation, having one's capital destroyed feels like being stabbed in the chest. Surely, Angleterre must know this! If he sought to do that to me, fine. But since July he's been doing this to Quebec. To Mathieu. To a CHILD! Does Angleterre have any idea what it is like to sit by his son's bed every night, watching as he writhes and screams in pain? I swear to God: if for nothing else, I will make him pay for this. -France.** " Alfred trails off at the end.

Matt winced, remembering that time. It had hurt a lot. Francis stood up, walked over to Arthur and punched him in the face. Arthur just took it, knowing that he deserved it for what he did. After a minute Arthur stood up and walked over to Matthew.

"I am so sorry for what I did, It was wrong, and I caused a lot of pain for a while. I know you might not forgive me for it, but I need to say I'm sorry." He practically whispered, looking down.

Matthew smiled and hugged him, along with Francis.

"That is all we want to hear." they whisper.

Arthur hugs back for a moment before taking his seat next to Francis, and Matthew by Alfred.

"Okie dokie, this is Mattie's. **Dear diary, Well... this is it. The moment that I have been waiting for every since this war started. For the first time, all my soldiers are together under a Canadian commander. They have spent months preparing for this: memorizing every detail of the ridge, practicing every step in the attack. I do not ask for glory - all I want is for Arthur and Papa to see that I am able to hold my own in battle. -Canada.** " Alfred read.

"Ve~ that's sweet." Feli said.

"We are proud of you Matthew." Francis said.

"They should be, you fought well in the second world war Matthew." Ludwig said, Kiku nodding behind him.

Matthew smiled, "Thanks."

"All right, no more lovey-dovey shiz anymore. Let's move on." Alfred said. "Okay this one is Iggy's (DON'T CALL ME THAT!) **Dear diary, Today, I happened to come across some old photographs of myself, and I must say that I never looked better than during the 19th century. Damn - I was such a dandy back then. -England.** "

"I did look better than didn't I."Arthur said.

"Sure whatever you say." Francis teased.

Arthur opened his mouth to retort when another voice broke out behind them "Let's not fight, Da?"

They jumped not expecting it to be there. They turned around and saw the tall Russian standing behind them with that creepy smile of his. They both nodded and sat down. Ivan nodded and went back to his seat by Yao.

"Okaaaayyyyy then. This is Feli's, **Dear diary, The Allies tortured me after WWII. I cried for help from the Axis Powers, but they fell and passes out. Nothing helped me out except for the remaining strength I had left to defend myself. It sure was painful....** "

"YOU DID WHAT?!?!?!" Ludwig screamed.

The Allies flinched at the yell. Alfred and Matthew looked the most guilty though. They had been great friends with Feli, they hadn't taken part in the torturing, but they stood and watched. They hadn't done anything to stop it. They would have it their bosses would have let them.

Japan look murderous, his hand slipping towards his katana. Italy looked down. Ludwig stomped over and ordered them all to stand up, they did without hesitation. And then Ludwig punched every single one of them. They were all groaning on the ground. Being punched by a mad, burly, German man was painful. 

"Now I want all of you to apologize to Feliciano right now." He said, looking down on them.

They nodded and one by one they apologized. 15 minutes, lots of tears and apologies, Feliciano hugged all of them and whispered 'I forgive you.' That sent everyone into hysterics, knowing they didn't deserve it. 

At that moment, Italy started to fade. Everyone gasped and jumped back, watching in horror. A second later he was gone and there was a flash. A note appeared on the table.

Kiku picked it up and read. 

 

_Dear nations,_

_Italy has come to terms with his past, he's accepted it. He was able to leave at this time because of it. He just wanted to hear your apologies for the things you did to him, that's what he's wanted for years, and now that he has, he's accepted it. He is fine, we promise, nothing has happened. He's back at the meeting hall, sleeping, he will be there when you return to present time._

_The Ancients_

 

They all sighed in relief knowing that he wasn't hurt.

"Alright, who's turn is it to read now?" Alfred asked. 


	9. Reading 6

"I will." Canada said.

"Here you go bro." Al said giving him the book.

"You know you can sit down now right?" Arthur said from his seat.

Everyone noticed it to and sat down.

"Okay this is Ivan's, **Dear Diary, Ever since everyone left me, I have had to spend my holidays all alone. I tried going to America's Christmas party, but everyone just seemed to ignore me. Perhaps I will have someone to spend the day with next year.** " Matthew read.

"I will spend Christmas with you Ivan." Yao said.

"And you can totally come over for Thanksgiving this year, even though you don't celebrate it." Alfred said, "Arthur and Mattie usually come over."

Ivan smiled and nodded, glad that they actually want him there now.

Matthew smiled and continued. "Okay this is .. Alfred's?"

"Let me see..... HAHAHA YUP THAT'S MINE!"

" **Drinking game with Russia! Everybody so F*ckin NOOB they druk them ass out. Lef only me n ruski so we hav a round 2 c if who da 1st ta nock out is a ho. Dont chalent da hero!!** " Matthew struggled to understand.

Everyone was laughing at how drunk Alfred was when he wrote this. Alfred just blushed, he had a lot of vodka and stuff that night.

"Continue." Alfred said.

Matthew read the next one and laughed. "The aftermath entry."

Alfred groaned.

" **I was so screwed!! Woke up with motherf*cker hangover and b*tch pain in ass (literally). Damn Vodka bastard!! Need to go back to my room before Iggy came to check on me. OMG, I'll never get drunk again!!** "

Ivan just smiled mysteriously and Alfred glared at him. Matthew laughed along with the other nations.

"It's not funny!!!" Alfred yelled.

"Sorry Alfred-san, but it is very funny." Kiku said.

Alfred just slunk down in his chair, sulking.

"Alright this one is Kiku's **Dear diary, Why can't Avater: The Last Airbender come out in Japanese Dub already? It is hard being on the other end of the stick. I don't know how America deals with it?** "

"Kiku you need to stop watching anime so much." Yao said.

"You to Alfred." Arthur agreed.

Al and Kiku looked at them respectively like they were insane

"No." They both said.

The others just sighed.

"This is Yao's, **Dear diary, Japan is such a good kid! I hope we can be best friends - no the best brothers in the world!** "

"You are the best brother in the world." Kiku said hugging Yao.

Yao looked at Kiku shocked then hugged back tightly. He hadn't been called brother by Kiku since he gained independence. And, just like Italy, China started to fade. Kiku looked on in shock, wondering what made that happen.

Once again a note was flashed into existence on the table. Ludwig **(I keep typing Ludwing every time XD)** picked it up and read it.

_Dear Nations,_

_Yao is gone because all he wanted was to know that his brother still though of him as a brother. And he wanted to know that his inventions weren't his fault for all the death they caused. You helped him, we thank you._

_The Ancients_

Kiku smiled, he never really stopped thinking about Yao as a brother, he just hasn't voiced it.

"Alright, I think it's time for lu-" Ludwig stopped when he saw the time.

4:49

"Never mind, maybe we should start on dinner."

The nations nodded just realizing how hungry they were, they were reading so much that the day just flew by.

"I'll make it, Alfred why don't you help me." Francis said.

Alfred nodded, knowing that he didn't have a choice. Francis nodded and led the way to the kitchen.


	10. Dinner Again!!!

Francis was bustling around the kitchen getting the ingredients out for the meal.

"What are we making?" Alfred asked.

"Cheese Soufflé, it's really good." Francis replied.

"Alright then. What do I need to do?" Alfred asked.

"Well...."

_________________________TIME SKIP__________________________

_Ding_

Alfred went to the oven and pulled out the food and set it on the cart.

"Well done, Alfred, they're perfect." Francis praised him as they rolled the cart out of the kitchen.

As they rolled into the meeting room, everyone stood up smelling the food.

"Smells good, frog." Arthur said.

"Tell that to Alfred. He did most of it." Francis said, "Fast learner."  
  
"Alright people, come and get it." Alfred announced.

Nations almost ran to the cart to get they're food. When they were gone, Alfred picked up his smaller one and took it over to where Matthew was sitting.

"It's really good Al." He says.

"Thanks."

Al picked up his fork and stabbed his, getting a small piece. He put it in his mouth and swallowed. It was good, he admitted, but it had butter and lots of cheese and stuff in it. All things that he tried to avoid most of the time. He just sighed and forced it down, hoping it would stay down. Matthew smiled at him. In the end he finished it, but he had a stomach ache. He put his head on the table and took deep, calming breathes. Matthew stood up, took their dishes to the cart, and came back. Sitting next to him, Matt rubbed his back in soothing circles. After a few minutes his stomach settled.

"Thanks Mattie." he said.

"It's no problem, I just want you to get better." Matt smiled.

"I haven't really had French food before, that was really good." Alfred said.

"Yes it was." Matt agreed.

"Alright when I get back, we'll read a little more and then we will go to sleep for the night." Francis said, rolling the cart back to the kitchen. Arthur came up to the brothers.

"Your doing great lad." He told Alfred.

Alfred smiled.

"Alright who's reading?" Francis said as he walked back into the room.


	11. Reading 7

 

"I will, Da." Ivan said.

"Here you go." Francis said tossing him the book.

"спасибо.*" Ivan said, "Now let's get started."

Everyone went back to their seats around the room and sat.

"This is Ludwig's, **Dear diary, So. It will be the Canadians attacking here in the spring. Three years ago, I might have shrugged this off - Bruder has taught me how to defeat any enemy. But Arthur has also taught Matthew well, that much is clear now. He has his own strengths, too: a quick mind and impossible stealth. It is said that the best defense is a strong offense, so that is what I shall give. If anyone wants this ridge, he will have to go through hell first. -Germany.** "

"Oh, we were so ready to fight for that ridge." Matthew said.

"Ja, you were." Ludwig agreed.

"Like and earlier entry said earlier, we were getting ready for months before hand. And I must say, we did great." Matthew said, smiling.

The other nations that were there nodded in agreement.

"Okay this one is about Francis," Ivan announces, " **Dear diary, If I hear anyone in my government say one more time that Canada is little more than "a few acres of snow" ... They just see harsh wilderness, the lack of a sugar crop, inflated expenses, and corrupt officials. What they do not see is Matthieu. My son, My little angel. It's not his fault. I will do everything I can to defend him - even from my own people if need be! -France.** "

"Awww, thank you papa." Matthew says, hugging Francis.

"It's not a problem Matthieu." He says hugging back.

"Hey! I want a hug!" Alfred yells jumping on them.

The three of them fall to the ground in a giant pile of laughs and hugs.

"Oh Arthur~" Francis sings. "Come join us."

"No frog." Arthur says.

Francis looks at Alfred and Matthew. "Get him boys."

The two laugh and grab Arthur and drag him down with them. They lay on the floor in a big pile.

"I want to join, Da?" Ivan says.

Everyone freezes for a second before...

"Sure dude, get over here!" Alfred shouts, dragging him down.

Ivan giggles and joins in.

Ludwing and Kiku look on smiling, glad that everyone is getting along. Then Ludwig lets out a yelp as he's dragged down too. Kiku laughs at his friend's face. Now there is just a pile of laughing, hugging nations on the floor, well except Arthur who is cursing up a storm.

"KIKU!!!" One of them yells "GET OVER HERE!!!"

Kiku sighs, knowing that he would be pulled in one way or another and joined in.

"YAA!"

"Get off me you bloody wankers!"

"Honhonhon This is nice, non?"

"Da~"

"Maple!"

"ALRIGHT!! Time to continue now!"

All the nations untangled themselves and stood up. Arthur still laid on the ground gasping for breath. He had somehow ended up on the bottom and was being crushed. Alfred laughed and hauled him up to his feet. Everyone sat down.

"That was fun~ Okay this is Francis and Arthur, **The only reason England goes out drinking with France is so he can get carried back ... Not that he'll ever admit it though.** "

Arthur groans and hides under the table.

"Aww, Arthur, why are you under the table?" asks a smirking Francis.

"Go away." Arthur mumbles.

"Nope~" Francis says going under the table.

There he finds a very red and blushing Arthur.

"Awww you are so cute~"

"No, I'm not cute." Arthur grumbled.

"Your right." Francis said, Arthur looked at him, "Your drop dead sexy."

Arthur sputters "Y-You can't ju-just say stuff like th-that!!"

"And why not?"

"Bec-" He was cut off as Francis kissed him.

At this moment, Alfred, Matthew and Kiku decided to look under the table. Kiku squeaked and shot back up, blood dripping out his nose. You could hear Ludwig cursing in German and getting napkins. Alfred made a face.

"Ewwww! Get a room!"

Matthew slapped his arm. "AL! Shut up!"

Francis and Arthur pulled away, France 'honhonhon-ing'. Arthur smirked and grabbed his tie and proceeded to drag him out from under the table and out the door. Kiku's nosebleed got worse and he passed out. Alfred pretended to throw up in a plant pot, and Matthew was joining him. They did not want to think about that.

"That was interesting~" Ivan said.

"I suggest we stay away from either of their rooms tonight." Ludwig said, trying to revive Kiku.

"No problem there dude." Alfred said.

"Alright, lets head to bed and continue in the morning." Ludwig announce.

All the nations filed out of the room and headed to bed, Ludwig carrying Kiku as he was still passed out.

And in Francis and Arthur's room, things happened. Nuff said.

_________________________________________________

*Russian for 'Thank you'. If I'm wrong blame Google Translate.

And I love this part XD the ending is my favorite.


	12. Waking up and Breakfast

Francis groaned as he woke up the next morning. He sat up and looked around the room. Clothes were strewn all around the room, pants on the bed, a shirt by the door, boxers next to the bed. He looked down and saw Arthur, still sleeping soundly. He smirked, remembering last night. Lightly he shook Arthur's shoulders.

"Time to wake up mon amour*." he whispered.

Arthur stirred and his eyes cracked open.

"Ngg.. 5 more minutes."

"No, we need to get dressed and head to the meeting room." Francis smiled.

"uggg, fine." Arthur sighed sitting up.

Quickly, he stole a kiss and stood up, leaving a shocked Frenchman sitting on the bed. Arthur smirked headed for the shower, grabbing his clothes along the way. He turned to Francis at the door and wiggled his large, caterpillar eyebrows, and walked into the bathroom, leaving the door open a bit.  Francis caught on.

"Honhonhon." 

____________________________________________________

In the room down the hall, Matthew was having trouble waking his brother up.

"Come on Alfred, you need to get up." He said.

"No." Came the tired reply.

"Don't make me drag you out of bed." Matthew threatened.

"Try it." Alfred said, curling up under the blankets.

"Fine." 

Matthew reached under the comforter and grabbed his brothers ankles.

"I'll give you one more chance. Time to get up."

There was no reply.

"You asked for it." Matthew said and he tugged.

Alfred's hands went for the edge of the mattress and held on, resisting. But his weakened body wasn't able to resist his brother much. He went flying under the blanket and off the edge of the bed with a yell. He and Matt fell to the floor in a heap. Al sat strait up, cold hitting him. Matt sat up, laughing.

"You asked for it." He repeated.

Grumbling, Al stood up, grabbed his clothes and went into the bathroom for a shower.

______________________________________________

Across the hall, Kiku and Ludwig were already up and showered. 

Ludwig was reading a book.  ***coughsappyromancecough*** He wiped his face, trying not to show Kiku that he was crying. The book was just so sad.

Kiku was on his iPad, watching and anime. He too was trying not to show Ludwig that he was crying. His OTP just got destroyed and so did his feels along with it. It was a sad day.

______________________________________________

And further down the hall, Russia was already up, dressed, and showered. He was sitting at his desk chair, drinking his Vodka. Oh, he was also reading a book. It was about some sparkly vampires and some egotistical wolves. He didn't understand what was going on but he found it quite entertaining. 

_________________________________________________

About a half and hour later all the nations met up in the meeting room.

"Alright who is making breakfast today?" Asked Francis.

"I will." Arthur volunteered.

"NO!!!" Everyone screamed, except Al and Matt.

"Well fine then, be that way." Arthur grumbled.

"Wait, let's give him a chance." Someone said.

Everyone looked around for who said it. All eyes turned to the door where Alfred was standing.

"I can help him."

"Fine, but if we get sick, I'm blaming you." Matthew smirked knowingly.

"Whatever, come on Artie, lets make food." Alfred said walking out of the room, Arthur following.

As soon as they walked out of the room, the other started making plans.

"Francis, go to the other kitchen and make some back up breakfast." Ludwig announced. "But be back here within a half hour."

"Got it." Francis said, walking out.

"I hope Alfred knows what he is doing." Kiku said.

"Don't worry, he's fine." Matthew said.

Kiku nodded uncertainly. Ivan was sitting in a corner, still drinking vodka like no tomorrow. How he wasn't drunk yet was beyond anyone in the room.

True to his word, half an hour later Francis came back with a small breakfast on a tray.

"Hide it somewhere where Arthur won't see. We will only need it if his and Alfred's food goes wrong." Ludwig said.

Francis nodded and stuck it under the table by his chair. Everyone sat down waiting for the two to come in. 15 minutes later the doors opened. Alfred walked in first, smirking. Next came Arthur, who was pushing the cart. The room was filled with the smell of a Full English Breakfast. **(It's a thing! look it up!)**

"Smells good Arthur." Matthew said.

"Why thank you Matt." He said.

"Did Alfred make this?" asked Francis.

"Nope, I didn't even touch the stove." Alfred said. "Swear on Lady Liberty herself."

Francis nodded, still looking at the food.

"Well, come and get it." Arthur said.

The nations stood up and made their way over. Matt and Al had already gotten their food and sat down.

Al looked on smirking. His plate was much smaller than his brothers. He had a piece of toast, a bacon and some eggs. Where as Matt had two toasts, a sausage, and lots of bacon and eggs. They both had a cup of tea.

"Can't wait to see their faces. Arthur really can cook." Matt said.

"Yup. It's funny how they always wonder why were still alive after living with him as colonies." Al said.

They sat their, eating their food, well Matthew was. Alfred was trying to avoid eating it. So he made it look like he was. Every once-in-a-while he would take a small bite, but he would hide pieces in his napkin or hand or something like that. Or pretend to wipe his face and spit food out into the napkin. Matthew bought it.

"It's been great knowing you all." Francis said as he took the brave first bite.

After a second he swallowed and look at his plate, and proceeded to eat more. The other looked on in shock and tried their own. And each of them had the same reaction. It was quite funny actually. Arthur looked on happily eating his own food. When everyone was done they congratulated him on a breakfast well made. When they were done they put their plates and silverware and cups on the cart and threw away their trash.

Arthur took the cart back, and a minute later was back and sitting down.

"Who is going to read?" Ivan asked. 

_____________________________________________________________________

*French for 'my love'

Blame Google translate if its wrong.


	13. Reading 8

"I will read." Ludwig said picking up the book.

Everyone went to a spot and sat down. Ludwig flipped to the spot where they left off.

"There aren't many pages left. I think were almost done." He said. "Okay so the first one is about Arthur, **England isn't bad at cooking, he just has anxiety about cooking for others and messes everything up.** "

"OH! That reminds me." Francis said, reaching under his chair pulling out the backup breakfast.

"What the-?" Arthur looked confused.

"We didn't know you could cook and Francis made a backup." Ludwig said.

"Well that explains that." Ivan said.

"And, don't be nervous around us. We're your friends." Francis said.

"And it explains why Alfred and Matthew didn't die as colonies." Ludwig said.

"Shut up git." Arthur grumbled.

"Alright alright, the next one is.. oh it's mine. **Ludwig purposely wore light colors for years after WWII. He needed to create a new, cleaner image for himself and his people.** "

"I remember that. You always wore light blues and yellows." Kiku said.

"And white and green." Matthew added.

Alfred opened his mouth to join in but was cut off by a blushing Ludwig. "Let's continue now."

"Okay this is Kiku, **Japan has watched a ton of anime,** "

Ludwig was cut off by Alfred saying, "We all know that."

Ludwig glared and continued, " **But by far his favorite will always be One Piece. His favorite character is Luffy.** "

Alfred looked at Kiku. "Really?"

"Hai, he is my favorite."

"Hmmm, while I like Nami." Alfred said. **(I know nothing about One Piece XD)**

The two were about to dive into a debate about anime when Ludwig and Matthew cleared their throats. The two blushed and quieted down.

"If I may continue?" He looked around and nodded, "Alright this next one is about Alfred and Matthew."

He looks at it for a second before blushing furiously. Kiku looked over and he too started blushing.

"What is it?" Ivan asked. 

" **Both Al and Matt can get pregnant. All the states and provinces had to be born somehow.** " Ludwig read out, still blushing.

Al and Matt sunk in their chairs, trying to hide. Francis and Arthur were staring at them. And then Arthur realized something. What about the original 13? And he too boarded the blush train. Francis shook his head and decided that he didn't even want to know about this one. Ludwig took the silence as a cue to read again.

"Okay this is Ivan, **Lady Gaga is Russia's spirit animal.** " 

Alfred stared at Ivan and then he started laughing so hard that he fell to the floor. Matthew joining him after a second. Arthur and Francis looked confused not really up to date with Alfred's celebrities. Kiku looked like he was holding in laughs too. And Ludwig was also confused.

"OH MY GOSH THAT'S PRICELESS!!!" Alfred said between laughs.

It took more than 10 minutes to calm down the twins. They were laughing so much and every time they tried to stop and image of Ivan dressed as Lady Gaga passed through their brains and it started all over again.

Finally Arthur had enough.

"CALM DOWN YOU GITS!!!!!"

Alfred and Matthew instantly went silent and stood up and back to their chairs, letting out a giggle every once-in-a-while. Everyone looked at Arthur with awe. 

"How did you make them quiet?" Ludwig asked.

Arthur smirked. "Magic."

Ludwig sighed and looked at the book, "Alright this one is also about Ivan, **Ivan doesn't like to be left alone. During his childhood of being under the rule of the Golden Horde, Ivan's view of the world was warped and twisted. Violence was normal, death was just another event of the day. Blood was used for paint. Hearing voices was just like having a conversation with people you can't see. Nobody wanted to be around a nation that has such childish cruelty. His world was bleak and lifeless. That's why he found such satisfaction to be around sunflowers. They were so bright and livid, and it made him feel happy. Others are scared of him. He know this. And it hurts his heart to be so aware of that fact. All he wants are some people that are not afraid to talk to him. To laugh with him. To love him.** " 

Everyone looked at Ivan sadly.

Kiku spoke up, "Yao loves you."

"And I'm not afraid of you, Why the heck do you think I lasted so long in the Cold War?" Alfred said.

"Your a great hockey partner to play with." Matthew added.

"You can always come over and look at the sunflowers meadows with me." Francis told him smiling.

"You are a worthy opponent in battle, I would love to fight alongside you one day." Ludwig told him.

"We will always be your friends Ivan." Arthur smiled.

Ivan looked around and for the first time noticed how many friends he truly had. He smiled, not his creepy 'Im gonna hit you with my pipe' smile, but a genuine one.

"Thank you." He said, a tear slipping down his face.

And then he started to fade. Everyone smiled knowing why. He just got the friends he had been wishing for his entire life. And then he was gone.

"Alright let's continue." Ludwig said.


	14. Reading 9

"I'll read this time." Arthur said.

Ludwig handed him the book.

"Alright this one is Francis's, **Despite the Napoleonic Wars being the height of his powers, he feels guilty for being responsible for Holy Rome's dissolution and for taking away Italy's childhood love.** "

Francis frowned guiltily. He had known how much Feliciano loved that boy. And then he took it away from him. Arthur noticed and pointed out the next one to him. Francis smiled.

"What's goin on over there?" Ludwig asked.

"Oh nothing." Francis smiled.

"Okay this one is about you Ludwig," He could only tell by the small picture by the entry, " **Dear diary, I don't know what happened.... I woke up and my head was all fuzzy. I couldn't remember anything. I still can't. There was no one around either but this strange white-haired man. He took me in and tried some things, but none of it makes any sense, it doesn't fell like any of it is true. I fell like I'm missing something, but I don't know what. I hope the memories start coming back. I don't want to be haunted by this forever.** "

Arthur looked at the picture again and noticed that it was peeling off. He grabbed the corner and pulled it off all the way. He flipped it over and saw a little note.

_Show these to Ludwig._

These? Once again he looked at the book and saw more photos. One of a girl in a green dress. Another of a boy and a girl kissing, holding hands. Someone playing piano. 

He stood up and walked over to Ludwig.

"Here, I was told you need to see these." 

Ludwig took the pictures and looked at them. After a minute he gasped and his eyes went dull and misty.

"Ludwig? Hey, Ludwig." He said waving a hand in his face.

"Whats wrong dude?" Alfred asked.

"He won't respond." Arthur answered.

"What did you show him?" Kiku asked.

Arthur just pointed at the pictures. The others went over and looked at them as well. The only one to recognize what they were, were Francis, who looked like he was about to jump with joy.

"He's remembering." Francis said.

"Remembering what?" Matthew asked.

Francis just smiled. A minute later Ludwig gasped.

"FELICIANO!!!!"

"Whoa calm down there." Arthur said.

Ludwig looked around and then at Francis. His eyes hardened into a glare.

"I knew this was coming." Francis muttered.

Ludwig stood up and promptly punched Francis in the gut, then sat back down like nothing happened.

"What the bloody hell was that for?!" Arthur exclaimed.

"I killed him." Francis said.

"WHAT?!"

"Back when Feliciano was a child, there was this boy that he fell in love with. One day that boy had to go to war and made Feli a promise to return to him. Well, the boy never returned. He came into battle and fought me and I killed him. Or so I thought I did. I guess when I left Gilbert came and saved him from the brink of death. But it came with consequences. The boy lost his memory and forgot all about his promise. Gilbert took him in and renamed him Germany or Ludwig. That boy was the Holy Roman Empire. Ludwig is Holy Rome." Francis explained.

"Dude, you know that Feli is going to murder you when he finds out right?" Alfred asked.

"Yes I do."

Kiku sighed, "Lets just get back to reading please?"

Everyone nodded and went back to their seats and Arthur picked up the book.

"Okay this one is about Alfred and Matthew, **Canada and America still go to college. America is the type of person who hates falling behind. He has a thirst for learning that time can't quench. Canada, however, is only in it to pick up girls.** " 

"I'm so proud of you!" Francis wailed scooping up Matthew into a hug.

"Papa, let me go." Matthew gasped out.

Francis let go but was still blubbering.

"So you really aren't as stupid as I thought you were." Arthur said to Alfred.

Alfred suppressed a wince, "HAHAHA!!!! I told you I wans't!" Of course he wasn't stupid. How in the world would he be a superpower if he wasn't. Kiku looked at Alfred knowingly. He was one of the few people who actually knew how smart he was. Along with Matthew and Ivan. Ivan figured this out in the Cold War. Alfred actually helped out designing the rockets and other things during the Space Race. 

"Alright, come on, lets continue now." Ludwig said.

Arthur picked up the book and read, "This one is.... it's mine."

His face turned white as a sheet at the entry. His hands started shaking. So this must be how Alfred felt when his secret was about to come out.

"Angleterre? What is it?" Francis asked.

Alfred and Matthew looked on worriedly. Kiku and Ludwig were also worried, but not as much as the small family.

Arthur shook his head and put the book down. Francis picked it up and looked at it. He sighed, another person that was as close as family was hurting.

"Francis?" Matthew asked quietly.

Francis let out a shaky breath and read, " **Dear diary, I have a secret that I never want anyone to find out. I constantly worry that people will find out and I'm scared to see their reactions. My secret is**...." Francis had to pause and take a breath again, " **is that I self harm, and I have done so for a long, long time.** "

Arthur, Francis, Alfred and Matthew all had tears running down their face's. Ludwig and Kiku were shocked. One of the most level-headed (most of the time) nations, were hurting themselves.

"I think it's time for a break." Kiku whispered.

The little group of three nodded. They picked up Arthur and walked out of the room. Ludwig and Kiku both knowing that some serious discussion was going to happen.

"I hope they can help Arthur-san." Kiku said.

"I do to, but they also need to help Alfred too. That little family has had to much trouble in so little time." Ludwig said.

They both looked at the door and sighed, wondering what was going on.

______________________________________

 

Hope I killed your feels again,  AT LEAST for the third time now!

Well hope you liked it.

4 more chapters!!!!!


	15. Another Family Problem

Alfred and Matthew were holding Arthur so he wouldn't try and run. Francis was in the back, just in case he got loose. They eventually made their way to the same room where they had their talk with Alfred in. Arthur was placed on the couch and Francis shut and locked the door. They all still had tears in their eyes.

"Arthur." Francis whispered.

Arthur just pulled his legs to his chest and hid his face.

"Arthur, please." Matthew said.

"What?" 

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Francis asked.

"Because." Arthur said.

"Arthur...."

"Because you would have hated me and left me." Arthur said.

"No I wouldn't have. I love you so much, I would never leave you." Francis hugged him.

"We love you." Alfred said, joining in along with Matthew.

"And your the only ones." Arthur muttered.

"Non, a lot of people love you."

"No they don't, Sealand hates me, the Italy's are scared of me, my brothers hate on me." 

"Sealand doesn't hate you, and the Italy's are scared of everyone, but they still like you. Lovino just has his own special way of showing it, ask Antonio. And your brothers are idiots. You know that." Matthew said.

"When did all of this start?" Alfred asked.

Arthur shook his head, he couldn't say it.

"Please?" Al asked again.

"You don't want to know." He muttered.

"Yes we do." Matthew said.

"Are you sure?"

Francis and the twins nodded.

"Fine," Arthur scowled, "1776"

It took a minute to process it. Matthew's eyes were wide, Francis's were said. And well, Alfred, he just sat there, staring at the wall.

"Al?" Matthew asked.

There was no response.

Arthur ignored it and kept talking, once he said the date everything was spilling out, "I had lost my baby brother, my family. I felt like he didn't want me anymore, he didn't love me. I felt like I wasn't good enough for him. I tried my hardest to help him, but he rejected it and started a war. I didn't want to loose my brother. But he didn't care. My heart broke that day. It was so painful. I couldn't deal with it." Arthur sobbed.

By this time Arthur was crying into Francis's chest. Alfred had silent tears streaming down his face, he still hadn't moved or made a sound or showed any comprehension of what as around him. Matthew was getting worried. Even though Arthur had said 'he' they all knew who he was talking about.

Then Alfred spoke, "I didn't hate you Arthur, I never did, and I never will. How could I? You dealt with me, put up with my stupidity. You were always helping me, and I wanted to help you, but I was to small to do it. So I wanted to grow, so I could help you. But all I did was make everything worse, didn't I?"

Alfred moved slowly as if afraid if he touched Arthur he would hurt him, and pulled him into a hug.

"I love you." He whispered.

Arthur hugged back and cried, Alfred was crying too.

"Can we see them?" Matthew asked timidly.

Arthur nodded and rolled up his sleeves. His forearms were covered in scars and cuts. Some were old and barley noticeable. Some were newer but still faded and some were fresh like they were made in the past few days. Alfred started crying again and so did Matthew. Francis brought Arthur to his chest. 

"How did I not notice these?" He asked.

"A charm, I used it to hide them." Arthur explained.

"We will help you Arthur, we promise." Francis said.

"We love you too much not to, and I'm sure others will help to if they need to." Matthew said tearfully.

Arthur looked up and smiled, "Thank you."

He closed his eyes and he started fading away like the others.

Alfred panicked for a moment.

"Arthur?!"

"Calm down Al, he's just going back to normal time right now with Feli, Yao, and Ivan." Matthew said.

Then Arthur disappeared, and a note fluttered to the ground. Francis picked it up.

_You already know where Arthur is. He's never really felt loved before and his heart was broken multiple times in his life time. And now he knows that people love and care about him. This is why he was able to go back home. We will make sure he is safe until one of you return._

"Alright let's head back to the others." Francis said.

The three stood up and walked out, although only Matthew noticed that Alfred was being quieter now then he was earlier. Arthur's little speech must have gotten to him. He can hope that his brother will be okay.

 

________________________________________________________

I AM SO SORRY /.\ I MURDERED YOUR FEELS AGAIN DIDN'T I! I'm getting good at that. Welp.... BYE! *runs before I get killed*

 


	16. Lunch/Break Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING IN THIS CHAPTER!!!!!   
> Purging is mentioned, be cautious

Francis, Matthew and Alfred walked back into the meeting room. Ludwig and Kiku looked up.

"Where's is Arthur-san?" Kiku asked.

"He went back into real time." Francis said.

"Will he be okay?" Ludwig asked.

"Yes, the ancients are watching him till one of us get there." Matthew said.

"Alright. I think it's time for a break. Meet back here in an hour and a half." Ludwig said.

The others nodded and left to go and do whatever they needed to do. They all headed to the kitchen to grab a quick lunch.

Ludwig and Francis got sandwiches and left because they had paperwork they still needed to do. Kiku grabbed his Bento Box and left to go watch anime. Matthew grabbed some left over pancakes and rushed out, because he forgot about Kumacrackers, he hadn't told Yao or Kiku that he was here. They would have gone all cuddly insane on him He needed to go feed him and stuff. This left Alfred standing in the doorway. He had two options, ones that were both appeasing to him at the moment. He could completely skip lunch and no one would notice. Or he could binge and then throw it up afterwards. As he thought this his stomach gave a very long and loud growl. He went with the second option. He knew Francis and Matthew would be upset with him, and so would Arthur if he was here. But he wasn't. 

Alfred went for the fridge. He grabbed the lunch meat and cheese, mayo, lettuce and the likes for a sandwich. He found some little doughnuts in a cupboard along with some cookies. And some other various foods. 

A few minutes later he had locked himself in a room and was pigging out to his lunch. Powdered sugar and some mustard was on his face. There were crumbs on his shirt and on the floor around him. Over all he had made a mess. He cleaned up and threw away the trash. His stomach felt good now that it was full. And then what he had just done hit him. Tears started streaming out of his eyes as he ran for  bathroom. He shut the door and locked it before kneeling down in front of the toilet. He stuck his fingers in the back of his throat and tried to make his gag reflex start. After a second or two he was hunched over the toilet, everything he just ate coming up again. His throat burned, and tears were leaking out of his eyes. And then it stopped but he still felt so full. He did it again. A little more came up with some bile. And then the door burst open.

___________________________________________________________________

Matthew was sitting in his room watching his bear eat his maple covered pancakes. He was sitting in the desk chair eating his own.  Hid mind wandered to Arthur. He hoped he was okay. Then he thought of his little speech, and how it had affected Alfred. He was worried. His brother was never quiet. When they had went back to the meeting room, he hadn't said a word. Then he was thinking of Alfred. Alfred..... Where was Alfred? He wasn't here. And Ludwig and Francis were doing paperwork. Maybe he was with Kiku? He pulled out his phone and texted Kiku asking if Alfred was with him. A minute later he got a reply saying that Alfred was not with him.

Matthew stood up, pancakes completely forgotten and ran out of the room.

"ALFRED!" He yelled running down the hall.

He looked around the second floor but there was no sight of him. He decided to go ask Francis if he had seen him. He ran up to the third floor and to the room Ludwig and Francis were. He burst through the door in a frenzy.

"Matthieu, what is wrong?" Francis asked, standing up.

"I can't find Alfred." Matthew said.

Francis hurried over, "Well let's go find him."

They left the room and started weaving through the halls calling Alfred's name. Both of them still on edge from Arthur, so they were worrying more then they normal would. They would have still worried anyway though. They were down a random hall when they heard something. 

"Shhhhh." Matthew said.

They listened. The noise stopped for a moment before starting up again. They followed it. As they got closer they recognized it as the sound of retching. Matthew's eyes got teary and upset. They ran to the door and started knocking on it.

"Alfred?" Francis asked.

"Alfred! Open this door!" Matthew almost yelled.

No one answered. Matthew sighed. If he wasn't going to open the door he will. He pulled out a bobby pin and started picking the lock. A second later he got it and he opened the door. The sight inside made him want to cry. His brother was kneeling in front of the toilet, vomiting up whatever was in his stomach. He ran to him and rubbed his back muttering.

"Why Alfred, Why would you do this?"

Francis looked at Alfred with sad eyes. He knew that they were forgetting something when they all left the room. They had left Alfred alone to do whatever he pleased.

After a minute the vomiting stopped and Alfred leaned back, crying. Matthew hugged him tight against his chest so his brother wouldn't force anything else up. Francis flushed the toilet and grabbed a cloth. He wet the cloth and wiped off Alfred's face with it. When that was done, Matthew picked him up and carried him out of the bathroom.  He had never noticed it, and now he realized he should have, his brother was so light. He carried him to his room and set him on his bed. Then he and Francis sat down across from him.

"Why did you do that Alfred?" Francis asked.

Alfred didn't reply but muttered 'I'm sorry' and 'Don't hate me' over and over again. Their hearts broke at the sight.

"We don't hate you Alfred." Matthew said, tears in his eyes, " Can you tell us why you were throwing up in the bathroom?"

"I just got so hungry. My stomach hurt. I ate and ate and ate. When I was done, I felt so full and bloated and disgusting. It had to go, I needed to get rid of it all." Alfred cried.

Matthew and Francis held him protectively. They were sad that Alfred felt this way. He wasn't fat at all, he was so small and skinny it looked like one punch would break something. Matthew was crying with Alfred because he was the last to leave the kitchen. He could have watched him, or taken him back up to his room with him. Francis picked up on this and hugged both his boys.

"It's not your fault Matthew." He whispered, "Any of us should have taken him and we didn't. Were all to blame.

Eventually all the crying stopped. Alfred sat there in his families embrace. Matthew wouldn't let go of his brother, and Francis was hugging them both.

"Why don't we get you some tea. Your throat must hurt." He said to Alfred.

Alfred sighed and nodded reluctantly. They stood up and went to the kitchen and made tea. When Francis brought it over, he gave Alfred a piece of toast too.

"You need to eat something." Is all he said.

Alfred ate his toast quietly and drank his tea. The two just watched him sadly. When they were done they left the kitchen and back to the meeting room. Ludwig and Kiku were already there. Ludwig was about to ask why they were ten minutes late when he saw their faces.

They hadn't bothered to wipe them of their tears, and Matthew was still clinging to his brother. The three sat down on a couch with Alfred in the middle. 

Ludwig and Kiku knew what happened. It was heartbreaking that one of the most cheerful nations was so down and depressed.

"Alright, let's continue now." Francis said.

 

______________________________________________

 

I am so sorry /.\ hehe well not really.

2 more chapters after this!! Almost done! And I promise it ends happy

 

 

 

 

 


	17. Reading 10

WHOOOO ELECTO SWING!!!!!! I'm listening to it again while writing this. ITS BLOODY AMAZING!!!! okay to the story.

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"I'll read this time." Kiku said, grabbing the book.

"Okay the first one is... oh It's mine, **Dear diary, America-san asked me to say 'election' today....and burst out laughing when I did so.... I do not understand what is so funny.... Someone please explain?** " Kiku read.

When he finished he was blushing. He had been naive then. He now knows what was so funny. Alfred was giggling, remembering that day. It was really funny to see Kiku so confused. 

Matthew and Francis were laughing too, Ludwig was trying to keep a strait face for the sake of his friend.

"Continue." He said.

Kiku nodded glad for something to do, "This is Francis-san, **Dear Diary, I don't think Matthew realizes how much I missed him when Arthur took him away. I missed him dearly. He will always be my little boy. I'll always love him. No matter what he says.** "

"Awww thank you papa." Mathew said hugging him.

"No problem mon fils*" Francis hugged back.

Alfred looked on smiling. He knew Matthew missed Francis as much or more when we was stuck with him and Arthur. It was a great day when they were aloud to see each other again.

"Okay this next one is Ludwig-san, **Ludwig, on some days when Feliciano isn't around him, would sit at home in this room and cry until all of his emotions are spilled out. Sometimes it would result in broken walls and smashed objects. He knows that he's strict. He knows that people don't like to be around him, but he can't help it. That's how he was taught and raised since he was a young country. His nations has been through a lot of dark times and he wishes that he could go back in time to stop it all from happening. So many people died because of him. He would see the piles of lifeless bodies, their desperate expressions as they pulled against the fences, the ashes blowing along in the wind. He hates himself. He truly does. But that's why he loves to have Feliciano around although he would never admit it. He's the first person to say he doesn't care about his past. He's his first friend.** " Kiku read.

"Ludwig, all of our countries have been through dark times." Francis said.

"Ya, take mine for example. The Civil War, the Great Depression, 9/11. I've been through through to many wars to count. It seems like I'm always fighting. And I would go back and change that if I could, but we can't. If we could and if we did, we wouldn't be who we are today. We would have been completely different people and who knows what this world would be like." Alfred said.

"And we have no control over what our bosses do. We can't really go against them most of the time anyway." Matthew said.

"See, everyone has their share of tough times and periods of self-hate. It happens to the best of us. Don't let it get you down." Kiku said.

"Thank you, guys." Ludwig said, smiling a little.

"And I'm sure the others would say the same if they were here too." Matthew reassured him.

Ludwig nodded and he started fading. Once again the all knew why. He just wanted people to understand. To not hate him for what he's done. They all watched him until he disappeared.

"Alright, let's continue. It doesn't look like there's much left anyway." Francis said.

"Hai, okay this one is about Matthew-san. **Most days, Matthew just wonders why the hell he even bothers trying. With anything. I mean, what's the point? Nobody pays attention to him anyways. He could be dancing around the room and screaming, but no one would even give hi the time and day. He barely has any friends, except Kumajirou but even he forgets who he is. When he was younger and being raised by France, he was a very timid and shy child growing up. But 'Papa' was always busy to help him grow out of it. Therefore, he never learned to break out of his shell. Sometimes he wouldn't mid it. Such as during wars. He would sit in the meeting rooms and watch the other countries fight across the rooms with a bittersweet smile on his face. He wants to be noticed. He wants to be found..... But no one even tries to find him.** " Kiku read.

"Mattie, don't think that way. Don't give up on me. Please." Alfred said hugging him.

"Why shouldn't I? I know that you've given up. Why shouldn't I?" Matthew snapped.

Alfred flinched back. He let his arms fall and he went over to another couch and curled up. Francis looked at Matthew confused. Kiku looked like he understood, at least a bit. He had been with Ludwig was talking with Feliciano about suicide. He had caught a glimpse of the message Matthew had sent him.

"Matthew? Whats wrong?" Francis asked.

"Why the hell shouldn't I be able to give up? It's not like I'll die or anything! I CAN'T! And for _him_  to say that is just hypocritical." Matthew yelled.

"What do you mean?" Kiku asked, keeping his eye on Alfred.

Matthew pulled out his phone and showed them the picture of the note the Ancients had sent. Francis gasped and so did Kiku. Alfred just stayed curled up on the couch not looking at anyone.

"Matthew I'm sure he didn't mean it that way. He meant that he didn't want you to suffer like he has through the years. He wants you to fight and keep going when he himself couldn't do it." Kiku said.

Matthew looked to Alfred, and Alfred gave the slightest of nods. Matthew looked down guiltily and went to hug his brother. Alfred gladly accepted it.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped." He said.

"It's alright. I promise, I'll try harder from now on to notice you more often then just the times we go on trips or something. I promise." Alfred told him.

"And I promise to help you now to make up for what I couldn't do in the past." Francis said.

"And I've grown to think of you as a friend. I will do my best." Kiku told him.

"Thank you, you guys." 

As he said that he started fading. And then he was gone.

Francis looked to Alfred sadly, but then looked at the book.

"It looks like there's one left. And it's Alfred's. **Dear diary, I'm getting tired of people always shooting down my ideas and calling me an idiot. They haven't let me actually present in almost a year. They don't know that I've had a legitimate presentation prepared for each and every world meeting since I arrived. I wish I didn't get such bad stage fright, but at least now I don't have to embarrass myself in from of everyone. But it still hurt, seeing even the people closest to me laugh. Even Japan, and England.... and Canada, too. Even I'm pretty sure he didn't think I could see him, I did. I just wish I could be what everyone wants me to be.** " Francis read.

"Oh Alfred." He said, pulling him into a hug.

"I am so sorry." Kiku said.

"I've had ideas for years, except whenever I got up there I got so nervous I forgot everything and just blurted out the first thing that came to mind. And no one ever took me seriously. Everyone laughed at me. I'm smart, I know what I'm talking about. Why can't people realize that!?" Alfred said.

For once, Kiku actually initiated a hug. He felt so bad for causing his friend this kind of pain. Francis joined in their three way hug fest.

"I will work on listening to you from now on, and we can tell the others and we can all work on it. After we read that you still went to school I think that most of us realized that you weren't as dumb as we thought." Francis said.

"Just out of curiosity. What is your IQ?" Kiku asked.

Alfred blushed and whispered something but they didn't catch it.

"Excuse me, but what did you say?" Francis said again.

"173." Alfred muttered.

Francis and Kiku reeled back in shock. That was genius level, maybe even higher!

"And I know for a fact the Italy sometimes has the same problem. His is around 155-165." Alfred said. 

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" Francis asked.

"Because a genius superpower is a scary superpower." Alfred said.

The two clammed up because they couldn't argue with that. Now that they think about it, this must be why he had stood toe to toe with Russia for so long and won the Space Race. He had probably helped make the rockets and other things.

"Now we can't really ignore your ideas now that you've told us this. We promise to listen you from now on." Kiku said, Francis nodded.

Alfred smiled and faded away. And then right after so did Francis and Kiku. All they wanted was for their friends and family to be safe and happy. And they were well onto the road to getting there.

As soon as the room was empty and the last of the nations were gone the book of entries disappeared, as if it never existed. The ancients hoped that nothing like this would ever have to happen again.

 


	18. Epilogue

Be prepared I'm pulling a HetaOni here. It was one of my favorite moments in the game in fact. (Well I got the idea from HetaOni. I'm pretty sure you will know where it is when you get there.)

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As soon as Alfred, Francis and Kiku entered the room, they were swamped by people. Matthew and Arthur went strait for Alfred and Francis. Yao and Feliciano when for Kiku, who actually didn't pull away. And Ivan and Ludwig stood by smiling at the scene. After a minute everyone pulled away.

"I have an idea." Feliciano said.

"And what would that be?" Alfred asked.

"How about we make a contract. Not with nations, but with us, as people." Feli said.

"That is a wonderful idea." Francis said.

Ludwig got a pen and a paper. "What will it say?"

"We can believe in one another-" Feliciano started, leaning on Ludwig.

"And trust one another-." Alfred said, looking at his family with a smile.

"We will rely on each other-"  Kiku added, going to stand next to Yao.

"And not be afraid of criticism.-" Matthew said, putting and arm around his brother.

"We are lovers and we are friends-" Ivan said, hugging Yao from behind.

"And we will never leave each other.-" Yao said kissing him.

"We will help one another-" Francis said hugging Arthur and pulling his boys to his side.

"And we will not fight unless we can't help it.-" Arthur said, kissing Francis.

"And above all, we are a family. A family who will never leave or die." Ludwig concluded. 

Everyone went over and signed the paper. When that was done they looked at it.

 

_We can believe in one another, and trust one another. We will rely on each other                 and not be afraid of criticism. We are lovers and we are friends and we will never leave each other. We will help one another and we will not fight unless we can't help it. And above all, we are a family. A family who will never leave and never die._

_Alfred F. Jones,   Matthew Williams, Arthur Kirkland, Francis Bonnefoy,_

_Ludwig_ _Beilschmidt, Feliciano Vargas, Kiku Honda,_

_Wang Yao, Ivan Braginski._

 

It was a sign of their friendship. Ludwig took it and hung it up on the wall but the chalkboard, where everyone could see it. Everyone looked at it and smiled. This was the first time something like this had happened. They all got together and walked out of the meeting room, laughing and joking along the way.

 

___________________________________TIME SKIP_________________________

 

Years later, everyone was still friends. Alfred had gotten help with his Bulimia/Anorexia and had recovered. There were still times though where he needed help. These things never went away. He had also gotten help with his depression. Matthew was there along the way. He was happy for his brother when he and Gilbert got together. Alfred was getting listened too more often and his ideas actually were helping out the world in great ways. It turned out that Matthew had gotten together with Kiku. Kiku was helping Matt to be more out going and Matt was helping Kiku with modern cultures around the world. Arthur had stopped cutting eventually and he and Francis were happily together. Francis was glad that his family wasn't so broken anymore. Ludwig and Feliciano were still together. The day they got out of the stopped time, he told Feliciano that he was HRE as soon as he saw him. There were lots of tears but ended with lots of hugs, kisses and apologies. Ivan was less creepy and had lots of friends now. He wasn't alone anymore, and Yao was still with him. All in all, everyone was happy again.

And the other nations never knew what happened that day. They went into the meeting room, fighting and arguing and came out laughing and joking around. The only thing they saw was the contract on the wall, but they didn't know who the people were, except for a few. Like Lithuania knew who Ivan and Alfred were. The Baltics knew Ivan. The Asian countries knew Ivan, Yao and Kiku. But no one knew who everyone was. It was actually quite amusing to see them confused every time Alfred would give a great idea, or Francis and Arthur weren't fighting. Or when none of them were running from Ivan in fear.

 

And the nine that were there never planed on telling them.

 

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**FIN**

I hope you enjoyed this story. It was fun to write and I hope you had fun reading it. I know I probably killed your feels more than once but, eh. It had to be done. I don't own Hetalia or HetaOni. If you liked and think someone else might, go ahead and spread it around. I love it when people read my stories. 

Thank you for reading this. ^.^ 


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